Original
This pie chart illustrates the proportion of the total annual order intake of Siemens AG according to regions. Most importantly, the chart shows that 39% of the annual order intake was accounted for by the region GB / EIRE. The reason for that is that the product development is mainly focussing on the technical requirements of these countries. The past showed that the region GB / EIRE was always setting technical standards for the rest of the world. Furthermore it is interesting to emphasize that Siemens AG was able to increase the Order Intake in the region Asia from 2% in 2005 up to 17% this year. This fast developing region represents an enormous potential for growing business.
On the other hand special attention by the management of Siemens shall be taken to the fact that Europe contributes only 3% to the annual order intake this year. The fact that the contribution of Europe has declined from last year 12% to this year 3% shows a very negative development in the traditional region of Siemens.
In conclusion, therefore, the pie chart shows a strong dependency of Siemens’s order intake on the region GB/EIRE. Nearly half of the yearly business is done in this region. Due to this dependency investors should not invest in Siemens shares for the next six months as long as the risk of depending too much of one region is not spread up broader by Siemens management.
Korrektur
This pie chart illustrates the proportion of the total annual order intake of Siemens AG according to regions. Most importantly, the chart shows that 39% of the annual order intake was accounted for by the region GB / EIRE. The reason for this is that the product development is focuses mainly on the technical requirements of these countries. The past has shown that the region GB / EIRE has always set technical standards for the rest of the world. Furthermore, it is important to emphasize that Siemens AG was able to increase the Order Intake in the region Asia from 2% in 2005 up to 17% this year. This fast developing region represents an enormous potential for growing business.
On the other hand, special attention by the management of Siemens should be given to the fact that Europe contributed only 3% to the annual order intake this year. The fact that the contribution of Europe has declined from 12% last year to 3% this year shows a very negative development in the traditional region of Siemens.
In conclusion, therefore, the pie chart shows a strong dependency of Siemens’s order intake on the region GB/EIRE. Nearly half of the yearly business is done in this region. Due to this dependency, investors should not invest in Siemens shares for the next six months as long as the risk of depending too much on one region is not reduced by Siemens management.
Inhaltlich wieder vorzüglich, sprachlich gut.
1) " it is interesting to emphasize that Siemens AG was able to increase the Order Intake ": Man würde auf Deutsch auch nicht "Es ist interessant, zu betonen..." bzw. "Es macht Spaß, zu betonen..." sagen.
2) "Europe contributes only 3% to the annual order intake": wäre eigentlich ok, aber Du hast die vorigen Kommentare im Past Tense gemacht, d.h. konsequent bleiben.
Re: article summaryOriginal
This pie charts displays the proportion of Busweiser’s sales according to the market sectors it is operating in. As the chart shows the American brewery earns its greatest sales of 48 % in North America. This is due to the fact that the company started its business in this market and could since then establish a high recognition and image. In contrast, only 15 % is accounted for by the European market, although it is the market with the second highest potential. The reasons for that are the high competition in Europe and the fact that the European bear culture is highly developed and the Europeans therefore prefer to drink their own bear. In conclusion, this pie chart shows that Budweiser concentrates on its businesses in North America and seems to be rather successful there. For those reasons cited earlier, this breakdown implies that Budweiser should continue to concentrate on the North American market and not run the risk to lose its core business and its core income source by losing its focus.
Korrektur
This pie charts displays the proportion of Busweiser’s sales according to the market sectors it operates in. As the chart shows, the American brewery generates the largest portion of its ___ sales__in North America with 48 %. This is due to the fact that the company started its business in this market and has could been able to establish a high level of recognition and a well-known image. In contrast, only 15 % are accounted for by the European market, although it is the market with the second highest potential. The reasons for this are the high competition in Europe and the fact that the European beer culture is highly developed and the Europeans therefore prefer to drink their own beer. In conclusion, this pie chart shows that Budweiser concentrates primarily on its business in North America and seems to be rather successful there. For those reasons cited earlier, this breakdown implies that Budweiser should continue to concentrate on the North American market and not run the risk of losing its core business and its core income source by losing its focus.
Gute Struktur, Grammatik noch etwas präzisieren.
1) "earns its greatest sales": "generates/make sales" und "earn income/profits", aber nie "earn sales"
2) "bear": Achtung! Das bedeutet "Bär", nicht "Bier" (wäre "beer")
Re: article summary
This graph shows the development of the fluctuation rate of Company X between 2001 and 2007. The fluctuation rate in % is shown on the vertical axis and time on the horizotal axis. As can be seen, in the first three years fluctuation rate steadily rose and rocketed at 20 % in 2003. This can be traced back to the fact that until March 2003 the company didn’t offer any fringe benefits and management style was very autocratic. From 2003 to 2004 fluctuation plummeted to about 7 % due to a change in management positions and the introduction of a Cafeteria-System. Since then the rate has steadily decreased and reached the superb value of 4.5 % in 2006, which is 0.5 percentage points below industry average. Until the end of 2007 fluctuation rate remained stable. In conclusion, therefore, the graph shows a very positive development due to manegerial change and employee motivation.
Re: pie chart description
This pie chart illustrates the proportion of the company budget in 2005 according to the various cost centres. The biggest part of the company’s budget, namely 41% are allocated to employee payrolls and benefits. This can easily be explained by the fact that our company is a service provider and therefore has disproportionately high labor costs. Another big budget consumer - with 22% of the overall financial resources - is our print office. This is due to the fact that our customers demand excellent printing quality which can only be ensured by investments in up-to-date technology. In 2005, professional travel- and tradeshows to promote our excellent services will be held for the first time and will thus account for 12% of next-year’s budget. To summarize, the pie chart shows a thoughtful breakdown of the budget for 2005 according to the cost and respectively profit centres. In conclusion, therefore, the well-planned business activities are expected to lead to high company earnings at the end of the upcoming year.
another article...
In their article in “Die Presse” from September 26, 2006 Miriam Koch and Hedi Schneid address the probable strategic alliance between Austrian Airlines and Air France. Both, the financial community as well as the 8,000 company employees are said to be in favor of this strategic partnership - according to the fund manager of the Meinl Bank, the minister of finance and two worker’s councils at the AUA.
The ÖIAG, main stockholder of Austrian Airlines, is currently evaluating the consequences of an Air France and AUA alliance, which would probably lead to a fleet modernization as well as the security of the Vienna International Airport as a major base for flights to Eastern Europe. First decisions about Austrian Airlines’ future will be made on September 27, 2006 during the meeting of the supervisory board. Furthermore, the discussion of a rationalizing program, the planned recapitalization as well as the idea of flexible working hours leading to less overtime for AUA employees can be found on the agenda.
In conclusion, therefore, a lot of changes have to be expected at the Austrian airlines, and they will probably not only affect the employees and stockholders but also the Austrian public.
another article...
In his article in “Die Presse” from September 27th, 2006 Franz Schellhorn discusses problems that are likely to come along with the EU expansion to Romania on January 1st, 2007. Especially medium-sized companies are threatened by the opening of Romania’s fast-growing market of 22 million people. One of the reasons for this is that privatization started very late in comparison to western countries. Therefore, not many foreign investors were motivated to boost Romania’s economy by providing capital. However, this is not the only one of Romania’s problems – corruption is high, bureaucracy complicated and the legal system insufficient. On the other hand, however, Romania can be proud of a low inflation rate, a low unemployment rate and a high growth rate of its economy. The state deficit has been under three percent for a few years and in 2005, a flat tax rate was introduced which is expected to increase private consumption as well as business investments. In his article, Franz Schellhorn also deals with the expectancies of Romania’s population in regards to the upcoming membership of the EU as well as possibilities for Austrian investors in the Romanian utility market. In conclusion, therefore, the EU expansion to Romania is likely to incur several problems but also brings along many chances for both sides, Romania and the EU member countries.
article...
In this article, Zernahle addresses the main issues concerning the exploding number of products in today’s industries. Specifically, he emphasizes the therewith associated confusion of consumers and the marketing requirements of branded companies to overcome this problem. First, he points out that on the one hand the diversity of products gives the customer the freedom to make individual coices. On the other hand, the diversity can lead to overextension and distorted product perceptions. Furthermore, the author maintains that, therefore, brands must have a differentiated profile to be recognized and companies need to create a stable and persistent image of their brands. As products have an ever shorter life-cycle, he stresses the fact that communication is the central factor in marketing. Also, he argues that the product-life-cycle is an important tool in planning communication efforts and in reacting correctly to changes in the market environment. Marketing strategies, adapted to the product-life-cycle, are likely to be successful, although the author finally states, that the life-cycle as the one and only planning tool is probably not sufficient.
Bearbeitet von: manufisch am: 9/30/06 16:03
Re: article...
This pie chart displays the proportion of company X’s staff according to their employment function in 2005. Most importantly, the chart shows that 20 % of all employees were accounted for by Marketing & Sales. The huge increase of staff in this department can be traced back to the fact that management has set new strategical goals with a focus on marketing due to the low profile products had shown on latest research projects. Furthermore, the chart shows that the percentage of total staff attributable to design decreased from 15 to only 5 %. The reason for this is that the function has been outsourced to an agency and only coordinating duties remained within the company. All other functions show a more or less stable amount of staff. One interesting point is that R & D made up 3 % of total staff due to the introduction of an own R&D department in 2005. In conclusion, therefore, the pie chart shows that the company has reviewed its strategy and therefore changed proportions of staff for not losing their positioning as a producer of high qulitiy products.
another article summary (final exam mars 2005)
Die Automobilzulieferindustrie - ein Wachstumsmarkt?
The article to be summarized discusses the current and future development of the automobile supply sector. In particular, it points out the factors influencing this industry’s high growth potential, which is predicted to reach 75 % by 2010 according to researches, and the challenges automobile component suppliers face despite this growth potential.
First, the article stresses the two main influences on the future growth potential. On the one hand, the global sale of air planes is expected to increase enormously especially in the Asian and Eastern-Europe market during the next years. On the other hand, the increasing outsourcing process of important production steps to component suppliers is likely to contribute to the industry’s economic growth.
In addition, the article mentions great challenges for the component supply industry, which exist in spite of those positive prospects. Firstly, suppliers face the increasing problem of the need for more and more capital. Secondly, they are forced to keep their costs low due to the producers’ overcapacities.
Aside from that, the author briefly discusses the probable reduction in the numbers of suppliers, which might lead to a drop from 800 t0 35 existing suppliers by 2010. In order to be prepared for that case, producers have already created protection and prevention programs.
The central message of the article is that the present consolidation in the component supply industry is going to continue until at least 2010.
In reference to your job advertisement of September 26, 2006 in “Der Standard” I would like to apply for the job as a Senior Event Manager in your agency.
I have been working successfully in the event management business for nine years now and during my career I brought to life many famous event highlights like the yearly series of the “Red Bull Air Race” which started in 2004. I even established and ran my own event management agency until an extraordinary offer convinced me to sell the business in 2003. Event management illuminates my life and I’m sure that I inherit all the strengths one needs to shine in this business. Allow me to highlight them:
• creative and communicative personality
• ability to highly motivate and lead successful teams
• experienced in dealing with international and discerning clients
• fluent in English and French
• profound knowledge of business administration
I feel that I make a perfect match for your company because I bring along all the qualifications you expect and which are – of course – necessary to work brilliantly in the event management business. Furthermore, I would love to support your organization to expand and to become No. 1-partner for international corporations.
I’m looking forward to introduce me personally and to exchange ideas and visions with you. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Name: Werner Neureiter
Address: Bahnweg 32
2340 Mödling
Nationality: Austrian
Phone: +43 664 xxx xxxx
e-mail: werner.neureiter@chello.at
Date / place of birth: May 8th, 1974 / Judenburg
Marital status: Single
OBJECTIVE
To obtain the role as Senior Event Manager and to perfectly represent your company’s image communicated in well organized events based on the international event management knowledge I developed in the last 6 years at well known event agencies as well as entrepreneur with my own agency.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
High sense of responsibility proven out of my experience in running my own event agency for 4 years
Proven ability to head and motivate a group of employees
Capable of performing management activities that require a high level of planning
Well established media relations to national and international decision makers in the media business
Excellent presentation skills to clearly communicate information effectively and persuasively
Profound knowledge of managing big international customer events
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Awarded to organising the best European general meeting in 2006 by the European Instutite for Event Management.
Simultaneously studied and worked on a full-time basis for four year time period
Build up my own event management agency from the scratch to a well prospering company with 3 employees
Scholdan & Co awarded my Master Thesis, discussing the topic “work-related networks in the stress field of the Austrian regional policy“ as the 2nd best of our class.
Elected as the class representative during my evening study at the university of applied science for Marketing & Sales
EXPERIENCE
Currently I am not engaged and can offer you to immediately start working for your company as I decided after a two years experience in France to move back to my home country Austria. Therefore I amicably cancelled my contract of employment with Lacoste by end of June 2006.
Lacoste, Paris 06/2004 – 06/2006
Senior Event Manager, responsible for:
Organise and coordinate customer and investor events such as annual general meeting, investor road shows, customer information days. All these events are characterised with more up to 2000 guests.
Planning and implementation of international product launch activities in coordination with Lacoste´s regional marketing departments
Responsible for an annual international Event Marketing budget of 12,6 mil EUR
Heading the Event Management group of 24 people
Event Agency Neureiter, Vienna 06/2000 – 05/2004
Founder and Managing Director, responsible for:
Running the Event Marketing Agency with 3 employees
Consulting of reputable Austrian companies (e.g. OMV, Telekom Austria, Siemens) in planning and organising their events
Building up an international network of media contacts as part of the consulting tasks
Event Argentur PIXL, Vienna 05/1997 – 05/2000
Junior Event Manager, responsible for:
Consulting Austrian companies in organising their stakeholder events
Participating in Event Management projects as a team member
Supporting the Senior Event Managers
Cunard Animation Agency, Hamburg 04/1995 – 04/1997
Member of the animation team on the cruise liner “AIDA”
enabled me to practice my language knowledge in English and French as well as to building up a network of international friends with that I am in regular contact till present.
EDUCATION & TRAINING
University of Applied Science for Marketing & Sales, Vienna from 09/1998 till 07/2002
graduated with a *)Magister (FH) degree
Master thesis “work-related networks in the stress field of the Austrian regional policy”
English and French language at a negotiation level
Spanish language at a basic level
Profound working knowledge of MSWord, MS Excel, MS Access, MS Powerpoint and MS Outlook
Driving license A + B
ACTIVITIES & INTERESTS
Red Sea - Diving; Marathon and Heli-Skiing
*) in Austria and Germany a Magister (FH) degree is equivalent to a master´s degree
Korrektur
PERSONAL DETAILS
Name: Werner Neureiter
Address: Bahnweg 32
2340 Mödling
Nationality: Austrian
Phone: +43 664 xxx xxxx
e-mail: werner.neureiter@chello.at
Date / place of birth: May 8th, 1974 / Judenburg
Marital status: Single
OBJECTIVE
To obtain the role as Senior Event Manager and to perfectly communicate your company’s image at well organized events based on the international event management knowledge I developed in the last 6 years at well known event agencies as well as in context of being the owner of my own agency.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
High sense of responsibility demonstratedby my experience in running my own event agency for 4 years
Proven ability to head and motivate a group of employees
Capable of performing management activities that require a high level of planning
Well established media relations to national and international decision makers in the media business
Excellent presentation skills involving the ability to clearly communicate information effectively and persuasively
Profound knowledge of managing big international customer events
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Awarded for organising the "Best European General Meeting in 2006" by the European Instutite for Event Management.
Simultaneously studied and worked on a full-time basis for a four year time period Built up my own event management agency from scratch to a well prospering company with 3 employees
Scholdan & Co awarded my Master's Thesis, discussing the topic “Work-related networks in context of ___ Austrian regional policy“ as the 2nd best of our class.
Elected as the class representative during my evening study at the ViennaUniversity of Applied Sciences, Marketing & Sales program
EXPERIENCE
Currently I am not engaged and can offer you the possibility of immediately starting to work for your company as , following a two year work tenure in France, I decided to move back to my home country of Austria. Therefore, I amicably cancelled my contract of employment with Lacoste per end of June 2006.
Lacoste, Paris 06/2004 – 06/2006
Senior Event Manager, responsible for: Organising and coordinating customer and investor events such as annual general meetings, investor road shows, customer information days. All these events weretypically attended by up to 2000 guests.
Planning and implementing international product launch activities in coordination with Lacoste´s regional marketing departments Planning and negotiating an annual international Event Marketing budget of 12.6 mil EUR
Heading the Event Management group of 24 people
Event Agency Neureiter, Vienna 06/2000 – 05/2004
Founder and Managing Director, responsible for:
Running the Event Marketing Agency with 3 employees
Consulting of reputable Austrian companies (e.g. OMV, Telekom Austria, Siemens) in planning and organising their events
Building up an international network of media contacts as part of the consulting tasks
Event Argentur PIXL, Vienna 05/1997 – 05/2000
Junior Event Manager, responsible for:
Consulting Austrian companies in organising their stakeholder events
Participating in Event Management projects as a team member
Supporting the Senior Event Managers
Cunard Animation Agency, Hamburg 04/1995 – 04/1997
Member of the animation team on the cruise liner “AIDA” Enabled me to perfect my ___ knowledge of English and French as well as to build up a network of international friends with who I am in still in regular contact with.
EDUCATION & TRAINING
University of Applied Science for Marketing & Sales, Vienna from 09/1998 till 07/2002
graduated with a *)Magister (FH) degree
Master's thesis “Work-related networks in context of ___ Austrian regional policy”
SKILLS
English and French language at a negotiation level
Spanish language at a basic level
Profound working knowledge of MSWord, MS Excel, MS Access, MS Powerpoint and MS Outlook
Driving license for cars and light trucks
ACTIVITIES & INTERESTS
Red Sea - Diving; Marathon - Running and Heli-Skiing
*) in Austria and Germany, a Magister (FH) degree is equivalent to a master´s degree
Inhaltlich wirklich spitze gelungen und sehr gute Formulierungen.
1) "High sense of responsibility proven": "Proven" ist bei so etwas nicht falsch, etwas geschliffener wäre aber "demonstrated"
2) "Built up my own event management agency from the scratch": Coole Phrase für einen Nicht-Native Speaker (woher kennst Du sie?), sie lautet aber "from scratch" (aus dem Nichts), nicht "from the scratch".
3) "the topic “work-related networks in the stress field of the Austrian regional policy“ as the 2nd best of our class.": Bei Titeln kann man alle wesentliche Begriffe (d.h. ausser "the", "and", "of" usw.) in Großbuchstaben schreiben oder nicht. Den ersten Buchstaben sollte man aber auf jeden Fall groß schreiben.
4) "Currently I am not engaged and can offer you to immediately start working for your company as I decided after a two years experience in France to move back to my home country Austria.": Kann man natürlich inhaltlich inkludieren oder nicht- wenn ich persönlich in der Situation wäre, würde ich eher mittels letztem Jobmonat in Experience andeuten, dass ich "sofort verfügbar" wäre, nicht aber ausdrücklich sagen. Das ist aber nur meine Eigenmeinung und soll nur zum nochmaligen Überlegen motivieren (d.h. auf der Prüfung natürlich 100% ok)
5) In Zusammenhang mit "responsible for" sollte jedes darauf bezogenes Zeitwort im Gerund stehen
6) "12,6 mil" ACHTUNG: Zahlen auf Englisch bitte im Englischen Format (d.h. "12.6", nicht "12,6"): Gilt auf der Prüfung als schwerer Fehler. Unbedingt berücksichtigen
6) "Driving license A+B": Weiss leider nicht, ob da auch Motorräder dabei sind (d.h. ausgelassen). Allerdings wird ein Amerikaner bzw. Brite vermutlich keine Ahnung haben, was unter "A+B" zu verstehen ist. Deshalb ist es günstiger, das auszuformulieren.
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Original
This graph illustrates the price development of a barrel of crude oil throughout the period of the last 5 months.
From the beginning of May to the middle of June 2006 prices were decreasing by 5 USD per barrel to reach a three-month-low of 65 USD. OPEC's decision to increase production quota can be regarded as the main reason for this relief on the international markets. However, due to Iran's threats to proceed with researching on nuclear technology and the subsequently planned counteractions by the United States and the UN crude index reached an all-time high of 78 USD per barrel at the beginning of August. As both parties finally agreed on returning to negotiations crude price was formidable plummeting within 30 days to remain at a level of 60 USD.
Concerning this development two main conclusions can be drawn. Firstly, households that have not bought heating oil for winter yet should make profit out of the current situation. Secondly, the graph indicates that the price index for crude is extremely volatile at the moment and therefore organisational buyers like airlines should continue to consider futures as necessary finanical instrument to limit expenditures for cerosene.
Korrektur
This graph illustrates the price development of a barrel of crude oil throughout the period of the last 5 months.
From the beginning of May to the middle of June 2006, prices decreased by 5 USD per barrel, reaching a three-month-low of 65 USD. OPEC's decision to increase production quotas can be regarded as the main reason for this relief on the international markets. However, due to Iran's threats to proceed with research on nuclear technology and the subsequently planned counteractions by the United States;___ the UN crude index reached an all-time high of 78 USD per barrel at the beginning of August. As both parties finally agreed on returning to negotiations,the crude price formidably plummeted in the following 30 days to and now resides at a level of 60 USD.
Concerning this development, two main conclusions can be drawn. Firstly, households that have not bought heating oil for winter yet should benefit from the current situation. Secondly, the graph indicates that the price index for crude is extremely volatile at the moment and therefore, organisational buyers like airlines should continue to consider futures as necessary finanical instruments to limit expenditures for cerosene.
Ich finde den Text inhaltlich und von den Satzstrukturen/Phrasen her wirklich gut. Was Du Dir nochmals etwas ansehen solltest, ist die Anwendung des Continuous.
1) "of the last 5 months": Würde prüfungsmäßig nie Punkte dafür abziehen, im Sinne der Etikett ist es aber üblich, Zahlen bis einschließlich elf auszuschreiben und erst ab 12 Ziffern zu verwenden (gilt natürlich nicht für Preise u.ä.)
2) "households that have not bought heating oil for winter yet should make profit out of the current situation": Bei Haushalten sagt man eher "benefit" als "profit" ("ziehen Nutzen" statt "machen Gewinne")
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: The Sea Hags "Back To The Grind"(Album: Same, 1989)
Original
This pie chart represents the spendings of an average Austrian household on various goods and services in proportion to the overall expenditures per houseshold in 2005.
23% of the spendings were accounted for by living costs, including heating as well as energy. This relativly high share could be explained by the considerable prices on oil, gas and electricity. Expenditures for transportation state the second largest position in an average Austrian family's budget. 18% of the household's income are needed for paying railway fares, petrol and car maintenance. Although more than four tenth of the budget are needed to cover the two mentioned groups of spendings the expenditures on education and recovering made up 13% in 2005. This figure confirms that gaining knowledge is regarded as an important part in the average Austrian's life.
This situation indicates that a household is confronted with the situation that a considerable part of its income is used for basic needs as running a flat and getting to work. Therfore, only a minor part is available for spendings in other lines of business like clothing stores.
Korrektur
This pie chart represents the spendings of an average Austrian household on various goods and services in proportion to the overall expenditures per houseshold in 2005.
23% of the spendings were accounted for by living costs, including heating as well as energy. This relatively high share can be explained by the considerable prices of oil, gas and electricity. Expenditures for transportation constitute the second largest position in an average Austrian family's budget. 18% of the household's income are needed for paying railway fares, petrol and car maintenance. Although more than four tenths of the budget are needed to cover the two mentioned groups of spendings, the expenditures on education and recovering made up 13% in 2005. This figure confirms that gaining knowledge is regarded as an important part of an average Austrian's life.
This situation indicates that a household is confronted with the situation that a considerable part of its income is used for basic needs such as running a flat and getting to work. Therefore, only a minor part is available for spendings in other lines of business like clothing stores.
Gefällt mir sprachlich noch besser als der erste Aufsatz von Dir oben. Tolle Wortwahl.
1) Gefällt mir im ersten Satz wirklich gut, dass Du "spendings" und "expenditure" variiert hast - elegant.
2) "high share could be explained": Hier ist es stilistisch besser, auf den Conditional zu pfeiffen, d.h. "can". "Could" bedeutet eigentlich "Der hohe Anteil könnte möglicherweise dadurch erklärt werden, dass..." und Du willst ja definitiv anführen, was die Ursache war.
3) "spendings on ... recovering": Verstehe ich inhaltlich nicht.
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: The Cult "Wildflower" (Album: Electric, 1987)
Original
PERSONAL DETAILS
Name: Werner Neureiter
Degree: Mag. (FH)
Address: Fachhochschulweg 1
2340 Moedling
Nationality: Austrian
Phone: +43 1 234 56 78
e-mail: werner.neureiter@nn.at
Date / place of birth: November 8, 1973 / Villach
Marital status: Single
OBJECTIVE
To attain the role as Senior Event Manager to utilize career experience, skills, and education to contribute effectively to your communication objectives and overall success.
ATTRIBUTES & BENEFITS
• Creative mind in conceiving a unique footprint for business and social events
• Developed expertise in managing event logistics
• Efficient and effective planning of event budget
• Excellent presentation skills to clearly communicate information effectively and persuasively
• International networks to business partners and media agencies
• Proficient in four languages
ACHIEVEMENTS / ACCOMPLISHMENTS
• Founded an Event Management Agency and worked self-employed with three employees
• 6 years experience in two different leadership roles
• Completed a Master’s degree while simultaneously working full-time over a four year time span
• Received an award by Scholdan & Co. for the second best master’s thesis in class dealing with the topic “Professional networks in the area of conflict of Austrian’s regional policy”
• Class representative at the University of Applied Sciences for Marketing & Sales
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
• APC Ltd., Paris. 9/06 – 9/08
Role: Senior Event Manager. Conceiving and developing company events, building community relationships, established international media relationships,
• Sparkling Events Ltd., Vienna. 9/02-8/06
Role: Manager, founder and owner of Sparkling Events Ltd. Supervising three employees, enhancing business development, developing and organizing sophisticated business events, cultivating business relationships
• Viennevent Ltd., Vienna. 9/99-8/02
Role: Event Manager. Conceiving and organizing sport events, arranged event logistics, maintained client-relationships
• Cunard Cruises, Hamburg. 9/97-8/99
Role: Member of animation team. Entertaining children and adults in several disciplines, like sports, games, karaoke, etc.
• Federal Armed Forces, Langenlebarn. 1/97-8/97
Military Service (compulsory)
EDUCATION & TRAINING
University of Applied Sciences, Vienna. 9/98 -6/02
Master’s degree – Mag. (FH) - in Marketing and Sales
High school, Moedling 9/92 - 6/96
Courses included project management, dramaturgy of events and international media relations
LANGUAGES
German (mother tongue)
English (negotiation level)
French (negotiation level)
Spanish (basic)
ACTIVITIES & INTERESTS
• Sports like jogging and playing soccer in a soccer team
Korrektur
PERSONAL DETAILS
Name: Werner Neureiter
Degree: Mag. (FH)
Address: Fachhochschulweg 1
2340 Moedling
Nationality: Austrian
Phone: +43 1 234 56 78
e-mail: werner.neureiter@nn.at
Date / place of birth: November 8, 1973 / Villach
Marital status: Single
OBJECTIVE
To attain the position of Senior Event Manager and to utilize career experience, skills, and education to contribute effectively to your communication objectives and overall success.
ATTRIBUTES & BENEFITS
• Creative mind in context of conceiving a unique footprint for business and social events
• Developed expertise in managing event logistics
• Efficient and effective planning of event budgets
• Excellent presentation skills which allow me to clearly communicate information effectively and persuasively
• Maintenance of international networks that include business partners and media agencies
• Fluent in three languages
ACHIEVEMENTS / ACCOMPLISHMENTS
• Founded an Event Management Agency and employed a staff of three
• 6 years experience in two different leadership roles
• Completed a Master’s degree while simultaneously working full-time over a four year time span
• Received an award from Scholdan & Co. for the second best master’s thesis in my class dealing with the topic “Professional networks in light of Austria’s regional policy”
• Class representative at the Vienna University of Applied Sciences, Marketing & Sales program
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
• APC Ltd., Paris. 9/06 – 9/08
Role: Senior Event Manager. Responsible for: Conceiving and developing company events, building community relationships, establishing international media relationships
• Sparkling Events Ltd., Vienna. 9/02-8/06
Role: Manager, founder and owner of Sparkling Events Ltd. Responsible for: Supervising three employees, enhancing business development, developing and organizing sophisticated business events, cultivating business relationships
• Viennevent Ltd., Vienna. 9/99-8/02
Role: Event Manager. Responsible for: Conceiving and organizing sport events, arranging event logistics, maintaining client-relationships
• Cunard Cruises, Hamburg. 9/97-8/99
Role: Member of animation team. Responsible for: Entertaining children and adults in several disciplines _ like sports, games, karaoke, etc.
COMPULSORY AUSTRIAN MILITARY SERVICE: Stationed in Langenlebarn from 1/97-8/97
EDUCATION & TRAINING
University of Applied Sciences, Vienna. 9/98 -6/02
Master’s degree – Mag. (FH) - in Marketing and Sales
High School, Moedling 9/92 - 6/96
Courses included project management, dramaturgy of events and international media relations
LANGUAGES
German (mother tongue)
English (negotiation level)
French (negotiation level)
Spanish (basic)
ACTIVITIES & INTERESTS
• Sports like jogging and playing soccer in a soccer team
Ihr macht mich ständig stolzer!
1) "a unique footprint for business and social events": werbetechnisch schöne Formulierung
2) "Fluent in four languages": Stimmt nicht, nur drei, da Spanisch Basic ist. Deshalb hast Du vermutlich "proficient" verwendet (was bei Sprachen nicht gut passt).
3) "Conceiving and developing company events, building community relationships, established international media relationships,": Hier ist es wichtig, vorher "Responsible for" einzubauen, sonst macht der Gerund keinen Sinn. Bearbeitet von: GerhardFenkart am: 10/2/06 12:28
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: Bang Tango "Someone Like You" (Album: Psycho Cafe, 1989)
Original
Dear Mr. Fenkart,
with reference to your job advertisement in the “Kurier” of Sept 26, 2006, I would like to apply for the role as Senior Event Manager.
In the last 8 years I have developed diversified skills and experiences as an event manager that will provide your company with a high level of competence and the ability to take over the responsible leadership role.
Specifically, I would like to highlight my personal strenghts and achievements:
· Extensive hands-on experience in national and international event management
· 6 years experience in leadership roles thereof 4 years as self-employed person
· Excellent international business networks
· Creative but responsible mind
· Proficient in four languages
More details you will find in my CV enclosed. Please feel free to contact me if you require any further information.
I would greatly welcome the opportunity to personally discuss with you how I could be a vital part of your company.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I am looking forward to hearing from you!
Yours sincerely
Werner Neureiter
Korrektur
Dear Mr. Fenkart,
with reference to your job advertisement in the “Kurier” of Sept 26, 2006, I would like to apply for the role as Senior Event Manager.
In the last 8 years, I have developed diversified skills and experiences as an event manager that will provide your company with a high level of competence and that have given me the ability to assume precisely such a leadership role.
Specifically, I would like to highlight my personal strengths and achievements:
· Extensive hands-on experience in national and international event management
· 6 years experience in leadership roles, thereof 4 years as a self-employed professional
· Development of excellent international business networks
· Creative but responsible mind
· Fluent in four languages
You will find more details ___ in my enclosed CV __. Please feel free to contact me if you require any further information.
I would greatly welcome the opportunity to personally discuss ___ how I could make a vital contribution to your company with you.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I am looking forward to hearing from you!
Yours sincerely
Werner Neureiter
Guter Cover Letter.
1) "that will provide your company with a high level of competence and the ability to take over the responsible leadership role.": Bei so langen Sätzen muss man aufpassen. Eigentlich schreibst Du hier, dass Du die Firma in die Lage versetzen wirst, eine Führungsrolle zu übernehmen.
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: Boss Hog "Winn Coma" (Album: Win Coma, 1996) Original
The Bretton Woods System
The article discusses the development and downfall of the Bretton Woods System, which was agreed upon in order to create a stable monetary system after Second World War. Specifically, it portrays the main points in context of the agreement and the therefore arising problems.
First, the author points out that the main goal of the Bretton Woods System was to create a barrier-free world trade with fixed exchange rates. Therefore, the US Central Bank was obliged to convert dollar into gold, while all other member states had to maintain fixed exchange rates with the dollar. Second, he emphasizes that the USA was completely autonomous in carrying out their monetary policy, whereas all other member states of the system had to ensure their exchange rate through foreign-exchange-market interventions. Third, he draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the system only worked as long as the USA had no foreign trade deficits. At the time of Vietnam War the US Central Bank couldn’t fulfill its obligation anymore since the whole country was illiquid. As a consequence President Jimmy Carter cancelled the conversion from dollar into gold in 1971 and the Bretton Woods System broke down.
In summary, the article shows the reader that a system, which is completely dependent on one single country, cannot work in the long run.
Korrektur
The Bretton Woods System
The article discusses the development and downfall of the Bretton Woods System, which was agreed upon in order to create a stable monetary system after Second World War. Specifically, it portrays the main points in context of the agreement and the thus ensuing problems.
First, the author points out that the main goal of the Bretton Woods System was to create __ barrier-free world trade with fixed exchange rates. Therefore, the US Central Bank was obliged to convert dollars into gold, while all other member states had to maintain fixed exchange rates with the dollar. Second, he emphasizes that the USA was completely autonomous in carrying out its monetary policy, whereas all other member states of the system had to ensure their exchange rates through foreign-exchange-market interventions. Third, he draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the system only worked as long as the USA had no foreign trade deficits. At the time of the Vietnam War, the US Central Bank couldn’t fulfill its obligations anymore since the whole country was illiquid. As a consequence, President Richard Nixon cancelled the guaranteed conversion of dollars into gold in 1971 and the Bretton Woods System fell apart.
In summary, the article shows the reader that a system _ which is completely dependent on one single country _ cannot work in the long run.
Gut gemacht!
1) "and the therefore arising problems": Du hast "therefore" hier völlig richtig als Übersetzung für "deshalb" verwendet. Allerdings würde man hier eher "thus ensuing" verwenden. Als Sicherheits-Faustregel ist "Therefore" immer dann am geeignetsten, wenn es zu Beginn eines Satzes steht.
2) "the USA was completely autonomous in carrying out their monetary policy,": Ein Fall von entweder/oder: Es ist ok, die USA als Plural ("were": grammatikalisch strenggenommen die bessere Variante) oder Singular ("was": Vox Populis) zu verwenden, dann aber konsequent (d.h. "was" "its" oder "were" "their")
3) "that a system, which is completely": Hier sagte Dir die Word-Grammatikfunktion sicherlich, dass "which" an der Stelle ohne Komma falsch ist. Das ist deshalb, weil man in solchen Situationen strenggenommen "that" verwenden sollte. Allerdings hat sich "which" zu einem derart häufig angewandten Synonym entwickelt, dass es hier durchaus akzeptabel ist, nur eben OHNE Komma (sonst würde der Satz Bedeuten, dass jedes vorstellbare System immer von einem einzigen Land abhängig ist).Bearbeitet von: GerhardFenkart am: 10/2/06 12:55
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigert zu: Crank County Daredevils "Kings of Sleaze" (Album: Kings of Sleaze, 2006)
Original
The Automotive Supply Industry
The article addresses the main issues concerning the enormous growth potential lying within the automotive supply industry. In particular, it shows the reader how the integration of suppliers into the manufacturing process contributes to the industry’s growth. First, the author points out that there is an estimated increase in global turnover of 75 % until 2010 due to the outsourcing of important production steps from manufacturers to suppliers and the rise in automobile-sales. Then, he stresses the importance of China as a future market since Chinese economy grows by 8 % and the density of cars per capita is still very low in this area.
On the one hand, he draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the involvement of suppliers in the production process will contribute to the industry’s growth. On the other hand, the author emphasizes that manufacturers will transfer production risk to suppliers, while they have to take out additional capital to finance production. Therefore, suppliers will be exposed to increasing cost pressure and it is estimated that the industry will consolidate to gain more power over producers.
Finally, he notes that the degree of aggregation will vary from segment to segment depending on the cooperation between manufacturers and suppliers.
Korrektur
The Automotive Supply Industry
The article addresses the main issues concerning the enormous growth potential lying within the automotive supply industry. In particular, it shows the reader how the integration of suppliers into the manufacturing process contributes to the industry’s growth. First, the author points out that there will be an estimated increase in global turnover by 75 % until 2010 due to the outsourcing of important production steps from manufacturers to suppliers and the rise in automobile-sales. Then, he stresses the importance of China as a future market since Chinese economy grows by 8 % each year and the density of cars per capita is still very low in this area.
On the one hand, he draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the involvement of suppliers in the production process will contribute to the industry’s growth. On the other hand, the author emphasizes that manufacturers will transfer production risk to suppliers, while the latterwill have to take out additional capital to finance production. Therefore, suppliers will be exposed to increasing cost pressure and it is estimated that the industry will consolidate to gain more power over producers.
Finally, he notes that the degree of aggregation will vary from segment to segment depending on the cooperation between manufacturers and suppliers.
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: Kix "Blow My Fuse" (Album: Blow My Fuse, 1988)
Original
The article addresses the main issues concerning Austrian banks in Eastern Europe.
In particular, it stresses the main events leading to banking in Romania. There is a limited economic risk in Eastern Europe according to Rainer Münz a scientist at Erste bank. He points out that there is enough potential for banks in Eastern Europe especially Romania. Furthermore he maintains that only 46% of Romanians have a bank account with a potential growth of 14% by 2010. He draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the image of banks in Romania is poor. Therefore 4 steps are necessary to operate the Romanian market. First it is important to build-up the trust in banks again. Second, if there is regular income small loans may be demanded. Third, if the gross national product rises financial products like options or bonds can be offered. At last pensions will be an issue because national pension in Romania will not satisfy the future standard of living.
The central message of the article, therefore is that investions in Eastern Europe have much more impact than in Hong Kong or New York.
Korrektur
The article addresses the main issues concerning the future business potential for banks investing in Romania.
In particular, it stresses the main events that have led foreign banks to offer financial services in Romania. There is a limited economic risk in Eastern Europe, according to Rainer Münz, a scientist at Erste Bank. He points out that there is sufficient profit potential for banks in Eastern Europe, especially Romania. Furthermore, he maintains that only 46% of Romanians have a bank account, but that this figure is expected to grow by 14% by 2010. He draws the reader’s attention to the fact that the image of banks in Romania is poor. Therefore, he emphasizes thatfour key issues must be considered by banks that wish to operate in the Romanian market. First, it is important to build-up the trust in banks again. Second, if there is regular income, small loans may be demanded. Third, if the gross national product rises, financial products like options or bonds can be offered. At last, pensions will be an issue because the state pension system in Romania will not satisfy the future standard of living.
The central message of the article, therefore, is that investments in Eastern Europe would be more profitable than in Hong Kong or New York.
Gute Ansätze aber noch nicht genau genug. Ich würde empfehlen, bei der Prüfung besonders darauf zu achten, ob der Inhalt, den Du in einigen Sätzen gibst, wirklich genauso stimmt (z.B. Satz 1, bzw. sind es wirklich vier Schritte oder vier Faktoren? Sind Investitionen in Osteuropa laut Münz wirklich "wirksamer" oder meint er eher "rentabler"?)
1) "The article addresses the main issues concerning Austrian banks in Eastern Europe." Habe den Ursprungsartikel nicht, aber Deiner Zusammenfassung zufolge geht es eher darum, weshalb Rumänien Geschäftspotential für ALLE Banken aufweist (nicht nur ö.) bietet)
2) "4 steps": Die Punkte, die Du anschließend nennst, sind keine Schritte, sondern größtenteils Tatsachen. Deshalb passt "issues" besser
Re: Exam Practice MARS 2007 Korrigiert zu: Ratt "Nobody Rides For Free" (Album: 8191, 1991)
Original
This graph shows the developing stock price of Bwin, a company who offers sport bets.
The X axis is the timeline in years the Y axis is the currency line in EURO.
As can be seen in 2004 the average stock price was € 10. In the first six months of 2005 the Bwin stock had a steep increase and stagnated the following half year at about € 60. This can be traced to the fact that they could establish their products on the target market and they could keep their gained position. At the beginning of 2006 the stock price takes uplift and with a short interruption the stock reaches the € 100 mark by mid 2006. Since then the price for a Bwin share falls steadily. At present a Bwin share is about € 20 worth. This is a result to the fact, that the company is accused of illegal gaming.
Ultimately, therefore the development is not positive and the future of the stock price depends on the result of the above mentioned accusations.
Korrektur
This graph shows the development of the stock price of Bwin, a company that offers sport bets.
The horizontal axis shows the timeline in years while the vertical axis shows the stock price__ in EURO.
As can be seen, in 2004 the average stock price was € 10. In the first six months of 2005, the Bwin stock showed a steep increase. It subsequently stagnated at about € 60 for the following half year. This can be traced to the fact that it was able to establish its products on the target market and was able to hold its newly-gained position. At the beginning of 2006, the stock price took off andEzCode Parsing Error: color=yellow] EzCode Parsing Error: color=yellow]passe € 100 mark in mid 2006. Since then, the price for a Bwin share has been falling steadily. At present a Bwin share is worth about € 20__. This is a result to the fact__ that the company has been accused of illegal gaming.
Ultimately, therefore, the development has been turbulent and ultimately negative, and the future of the stock price depends on the result of the abovementioned accusations.
Was mir hier besonders gut gefallen hat, ist dass Du Dich auf aktuelle Entwicklungen/Gründen für Kursentwicklungen konzentriert hast. Meine Tipps:
1) "X Axis": "X Axis" ist "horizontal axis" und "Y-Axis" die "vertical axis"
2) "In the first six months of 2005 the Bwin stock had a steep increase and stagnated the following half year at about € 60.": Hier wäre es gut, auf zwei Sätze aufzuteilen, weil Du mit "the first six months" loslegst aber dann doch noch die zweiten sechs Monate mitbesprichst. Das wäre zwar in einem Satz möglich, Du müsstest aber stärker abgrenzen.
3) "that they could establish": Unternehmen grundsätzlich singular. Präge Dir das auf jeden Fall ein, da Du mit Sicherheit auf der Prüfung irgendwo über die Handlungen einer Unternehmung schreiben wirst.
4) "with a short interruption": Passt hier nicht, weil Du ja sagst, Mitte Juni wurde die € 100 Grenze durchbrochen. Das ist unabhängig von einer "interruption".
5) "is about € 20 worth": "is worth about € X"- auch einprägen, typische Phrase, die man bei einer Prüfung verwendet.
6) "above mentioned": ACHTUNG: als zwei Wörter ist das grammatikalisch falsch. Muss lauten "abovementioned"
Re: article summaryKorrigiert zu: Great White "Stick It" (s/t, 1983)
Original
This graph shows the development of the fluctuation rate of Company X between 2001 and 2007. The fluctuation rate in % is shown on the vertical axis and time on the horizotal axis. As can be seen, in the first three years fluctuation rate steadily rose and rocketed at 20 % in 2003. This can be traced back to the fact that until March 2003 the company didn’t offer any fringe benefits and management style was very autocratic. From 2003 to 2004 fluctuation plummeted to about 7 % due to a change in management positions and the introduction of a Cafeteria-System. Since then the rate has steadily decreased and reached the superb value of 4.5 % in 2006, which is 0.5 percentage points below industry average. Until the end of 2007 fluctuation rate remained stable. In conclusion, therefore, the graph shows a very positive development due to manegerial change and employee motivation.
Korrektur
This graph shows the development of the staff fluctuation rate of Company X between 2001 and 2007. The fluctuation rate in % is shown on the vertical axis and time on the horizotal axis. As can be seen, in the first three years, the fluctuation rate rose steadily and then rocketed to 20 % in 2003. This can be traced back to the fact that until March 2003, the company didn’t offer any fringe benefits and the management style was very autocratic. From 2003 to 2004,the fluctuation rate plummeted to about 7 % due to a change in management positions and the introduction of a Cafeteria-System. Since then, the rate has steadily decreased and reached the superb value of 4.5 % in 2006, which is 0.5 percentage points below industry average. Until the end of 2007,the fluctuation rate remained stable. In conclusion, therefore, the graph shows a very positive development due to managerial changes and increased employee motivation.
Solide Arbeit!
1) "fluctuation rate" für Personalfluktuationsrate ist völlig richtig (immer häufiger wird übrigens "attrition rate" verwendet). Es wäre aber geschickt, irgendwo anfangs zu erwähnen, dass es sich um Personal handelt und nicht um einen Wechselkurs (dachte kurz, Du meinst mit "Company" und "fluctuation rate" eigentlich "stock price"). Bei einer Grafik und "fluctuation rate" denke -vielleicht eh nur ich - als erstes automatisch an den Wechselkurs.
2) "the": Normalerweise verwenden Menchen mit deutscher Muttersprache "the" zu oft im Englischen; in dem Aufsatz war es ausnahmsweise umgekehrt. Ich könnte mir vorstellen, dass Du die vielen Tipps, die ich bezüglich "sei restriktiv mit 'the'" in den anderen Threads geschrieben habe, sehr beherzigt hast und d.h. hier zurückhaltend warst. Im Zweifelsfall ist das auch sicherlich die bessere Variante (als zuviele "the"). Grundsätzlich kann man sagen, dass man "the" dann verwendet, wenn es um etwas Bestimmtes geht (z.B. ist in diesem Aufsatz mit "the fluctuation rate" jene von der Firma X gemeint). Wenn es um eine allgemeine Feststellung geht (wenn ich z.B. etwas sage, das auf ALLE Personalfluktuationsrate - unabhängig ob von Firma X oder nicht - zutrifft), dann verwende ich keinen bestimmten Artikel (d.h. kein "the"). Es ist mir aber völlig klar, dass es hier einen Graubereich gibt, wo man, wenn man nicht Native Speaker ist, sich auf sein Gefühl verlassen muss und es keine eindeutig logische Antwort gibt. In solchen Fällen ist es (wie oben gesagt) trotz möglicher Korrekturen, mit "the" zurückhaltend zu sein.Bearbeitet von: GerhardFenkart am: 10/2/06 17:56
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